March is Pregnancy after Loss Awareness Month
How to honor your lost pregnancy while hoping for and expecting your new baby
According to the March of Dimes, about 10-15% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage. However, the actual number of miscarriage might be closer to 50%, since many times people experience a miscarriage very early on before they even realize they are pregnant or simply because they never report it. There are also later pregnancy losses, or stillbirths, that often have no known cause, and these occur in about 1 in 160 pregnancies.
While nobody wants to think about a pregnancy ending tragically or want to imagine a loved one losing their pregnancy, it’s also important to recognize that this is the reality that many, many people have faced and for those people, we want to say, “We see you. And we’re open and willing to listen deeply or to just be a silent supporter as you navigate your experience on your own terms.”
If there is any good news in pregnancy loss, it is that most people absolutely do go on to have healthy and viable pregnancies again. When this happens, we sometimes call it a “Rainbow Baby”, because it is a bright, happy sign in the clearing skies after the dark and scary storm has passed.
For others, pregnancy loss is part of an infertility roller coaster ride that involves working with specialized providers. Hanging onto hope while you grieve can feel confusing, heart wrenching, and isolating. It’s important to keep talking to the people in your life who love you and that you trust. Keep sharing your feelings and let your support system nurture you with love.
Some ways to honor your pregnancy loss:
Plant a tree – find a perfect spot, whether in your own backyard or in a secret location, and plant a native tree that you can come back to year after year and remember that growth happens, even after the dark times.
Create some art – whether you break out the colored pencils, crayons, paint, or scissors and glue, there is something really special about pouring your emotions onto a blank canvas as a way to express yourself and to connect with your baby. You don’t have to hang it up or show it to anyone else, but you might just discover that hanging it in a special corner of your home will remind you that your experience mattered and that you are stronger than you know.
Tell the universe their name – if your baby had a name, never stop speaking it if it brings you joy. Go to the beach and sit on the sand and yell your baby’s name into the waves. Let them carry that beautiful name to every corner of the earth for you.
Write it down – you don’t have to be an avid journaler or a professional writer to be able to put simple words to paper. All you need is whatever thoughts are in your heart. You might even find healing in writing your baby a letter, letting them know how much you think about them, who you believe they would have been, who they still are even on “the other side”, and tell them all about their family that misses them. Let them know that your heart will always carry them with you.
Rally your support system – recovering from pregnancy, whether it was 1 month or 9, requires rest, good nutrition, and physical and emotional support. Asking for help with household chores or to drop older kids off at school for you, honors yourself and your lost baby. You might also consider hiring a postpartum doula. We might not immediately connect the work of a postpartum doula with pregnancy loss, but the exact same types of support is offered, because your body was just pregnant and needs to heal. So does your heart. It’s okay to ask for support while you allow it to do that.
You can visit Pregnancy After Loss Support for more information. You can also connect with Samantha, Bethany, or Frankie at Silver Falls Family Support if you need a listening ear or have any questions about moving forward with a healthy pregnancy next time.
References
Miscarriage. Home. (n.d.). Retrieved March 5, 2022, from https://www.marchofdimes.org/complications/miscarriage.aspx
Pregnancy after loss awareness month. Pregnancy After Loss Support. (2022, March 4). Retrieved March 5, 2022, from https://pregnancyafterlosssupport.org/get-involved/pal-awareness-month/